STILL No News...

I've been getting messages from a lot of friends anxious to hear what's going on with us.  But as much as I absolutely adore keeping secrets from my favorite people, we still just don't know anything about where Jake is headed next.  Jake has reached out to everyone he can, but so far no one knows anything useful.  How can we stand it? We can't. It's maddening. But unfortunately there's just nothing we can do about it.  The Army is nothing if not a lesson in patience.  But thank you all for thinking of us, and please keep it up!

With no ability to affect the outcome of that particular issue, we have been focusing a lot this week on the adoption.  We finished our immigration application, scheduled our home study and interviews, and set up appointments for our psychological evaluations.  Let me tell you, that last one was an adventure.

First, I didn't know that different psychologists use different tests (usually multiple choice tests), and there are dozens to choose from! ICAB requires three particular tests plus an interview, and I had to find two psychologists who could perform all three tests.  Two, because I'm being tested in Houston, and Jake is being tested in Louisiana.  He tried to set something up on post, but the Army told him that certifying his competence as a parent created too great a liability issue for them. Really? Hmm...

Once I found psychologists with the right tests in the right places, the next issue was finding ones that take new patients. Many don't. It was an especially big problem in Houston, which seems backwards since the city is a major medical hub in this country, but it's true.  

After finding psychologists with the right tests, willing to take new patients, I then had to find doctors who have openings in the next few weeks, because we have a major deadline coming up. Again, this was a problem because apparently shrinks book months out at a time.

The final hurdle in the process was finding doctors with the right tests/taking new patients/with openings, who accept our insurance.  For me (hopefully not for Jake, but we'll see), this turned out to be a non-issue in the end.  My insurance won't cover a psych evaluation that is not necessary, and apparently "to complete an adoption application" is not considered necessary.  I hope none of you ever have to come out of pocket for a shrink. WOWZERS!!

Also, I swear that if all people were required to take this test prior to having children (adoption or otherwise), there would be far fewer ill-equipped parents out there.  Those not up to it probably wouldn't make it through the process of tracking down a psychologist.

Jake was supposed to have his evaluation today (like me), but there was a hiccup with his appointment.  See, the lady on the phone didn't tell me that the doctor does his Wednesday appointments at a satellite office an hour away from his regular office.  So Jake showed up to the regular office in Lake Charles (still 45 minutes from the house and an hour from his work), and there was no doctor to see him. Hmph! Poor guy! After no small amount of haggling, the doctor agreed to see him extra early, at the right office on Friday.  Hopefully that works out.

I actually did have the first part of my evaluation today.  Mine is happening in parts because one of the tests I need had to be ordered, and it gets here next week.  The doctor I found was actually very nice, and she did my interview after I took the first two tests.  She asked the questions you would expect to be asked about my upbringing, our marriage, and Howie.  Honestly, it was pretty basic. I actually found myself wondering how a person can glean from such a surface visit enough information to make a conclusion about someone's parenting skills, but I supposed that's why they're experts.  The thing I found interesting were the tests.

One of the tests was a parenting inventory, in which I had to indicate how strongly I agreed/disagreed with a series of forty question.  I found myself fighting with the questions, though, because most of them were always/never statements, and I think few things in parenting are so black and white.  For instance, one of the statements was "A parent should always push their children to be better."  Well, I agree that parents ought to encourage their kids, and nudge them in the direction of excellence.  But there's that pesky "always" word.  And better at what? Better people? Better at Parcheesi? Who knows. Maybe I got that one right....

The second test was a series of 175 True/False questions. It was clearly a test designed to capture lots of different kinds of potential mental health issues, not parenting issues in particular.  Nothing really struck me as unusual till I looked at my answer sheet and found that I had only picked 19 "True" answers in the entire test.  I asked my doctor whether that was weird, and she said "Do you think it is weird?" Typical.  I think it means either I'm VERY crazy, or VERY normal.  So here's the question: which would be better?

Pole Jumping

I was going to title this post "Pole Vaulting," but that is an actual thing and I actually cannot do it. I guess my moral compass draws the line between clever titles and illicitly claiming prowess in Olympic sporting events.  Hmm...

This weekend was the kick-off retreat for the new Leadership Houston class, which I am co-chairing this year. This will be my third year working with LH, and I just love it.  It combines two of my favorite things--Houston and community leadership--in one organization.  Anyway, it seems like a really great group of people and it should be a fantastic year. But I have to tell you, even though the focus is on building cohesion in this new group of people, I spent the weekend seeing a lot of parallels between the activities and what is going on in my life right now.  

For instance, one of the team-building exercises involved class members taking turns climbing to the top of a thirty-foot telephone poll, standing up straight, and then jumping six feet forward in the hopes of catching the brass ring that is suspended there.  There were two polls to choose from, one had a 16"x24" platform at the top, the other had nothing at the top.  I chose the platform one myself, but was incredibly impressed at the number of class members that took the no-platform option.

Climbing to the top of the poll was really easy for me.  I have been on enough rock walls that evenly spaced staples were a cakewalk to climb.  And even getting on the platform was not too tough.  No, the really tough part for me was standing up.  See, I guess you wouldn't know this unless you've climbed one, but telephones sway when there is weight at the top (especially if that weight is shifting around like a nervous person).  I knew I was on a harness, so I was not afraid of falling per se, but I certainly didn't want to have climbed all the way to the top only to miss out on that brass ring.  Not only that, but as one of the group's leaders, I would have felt like a failure not being able to complete the task, and like I let everyone else down.

Well,  through no small amount of maneuvering on my knees, I finally figured out how to get to my feet. It was NOT easy to do with the platform constantly shifting under me, and with thirty feet between me and the ground.  But I did it, and once I was upright the leap for the goal was a piece of cake.  Today, as I was reflecting on the exercise, it made me think about how I handle uncertainty in general.  Lord knows we have plenty of it lately, that's for sure!  But that's not really unique.  Everyone has uncertainty in their lives.  The truth is, most of us are called on at some point to try and move forward on shaky ground.  Figuring out how to stand tall when the ground under your feet seems to be constantly shifting is a tough tough job.

At the end of the day, what made me finally take a deep breath and go for it on that platform was knowing that I was harnessed, and that if I fell I would not fall far.  And that I had to try.  There's the same kind of safety in knowing that if I am living for Christ, even if I fail and fall, I won't fall far because he's there to catch me.  But you know, with God it's even better than that. One thing that the activity coach told us is that the poll doesn't shake.  He said that if it feels like the poll is shaking, it is because of us, not the poll. Wow, how true is that about my walk with God? See, the world may make me think that my foundation is shaky.  But maybe that's because I'm building on the wrong foundation. Or maybe it's because I'm faltering, which makes it feel like the foundation is faltering as well.  What I learned this weekend is that when you finally just go for it, the shaking stops and you can stand tall.

I did get that brass ring, and I brought it home with me.  I think I'll keep it as a reminder of the lesson: steadfastness.  The less shaky I am, the more I recognize my firm foundation.  And if my stillness does not show the firmness of the foundation, it's time to reevaluate where I'm standing.

BTW> Kendrick McCleskey from church is in the Leadership Houston class and took video of this episode.  If he sends it to me, I will upload it here.

No News and Good News...

Well Hicks Hikers, we were all expecting to finish the week last week with two major questions answered about what's next for our family.  On that front, we're 1 for 2: we got an answer about our adoption, but not about Jake's next assignment.  The latter is pretty darn frustrating for our family.  Jake is going to be following up with people this week to see what's going on.  But in the meantime, it really just stresses him out to talk about it. I'll say we need continued prayers, and leave it at that.

As many of you know from reading my earlier post, we were thrown a curve ball in our adoption process this week when Welcome House, the amazing agency we've been working with, essentially got dumped by the Philippine government. I spent the entire week making phone calls trying to find a replacement agency, and after nearly four dozen "no" answers, I was feeling really discouraged.  BUT we received a call on Thursday afternoon (from an agency I actually called Monday but hadn't heard from, apparently because they were closed for the Jewish holidays) informing us that they have space for us in their program!  I can't tell you the relief and joy we felt at finally finding a new agency to help us through this process, especially in the face of so much rejection. See, Philippines adoption programs are really small. Most agencies only take two to four families per year.  Not only that, but many of the agencies I called were subject to the same restrictions that prevented Welcome House from being able to complete our application.  In fact, I learned that there are actually only seven agencies that get to file new applications this year.  That's about fourteen slots nationwide.  The fact that we were able to secure one of them...there's no question in my mind that God's hand was in that.

But of course, nothing about this process is ever easy, so naturally there's a catch.  Our new agency, Vista Del Mar, was told by ICAB (the federal agency that oversees adoption in the Philippines) that they have 2012 slots, but there are no guarantees that they will be given 2013 slots.  What does that mean? It means that the dossier we thought we had until February to complete now has to be finished by December 1! Holy moly! That means home studies, application to USCIS (immigration), psychological evaluations, all of our letters and other required materials, have to be ready to go in just over two months!!  Needless to say, it will be an insane fall.  And it will mostly fall on me to complete because the Army has Jake in rotation for all of October and November (meaning he can't be more than 30 miles from post and works around the clock).  So,  again, please please keep the prayers coming! I am most certainly going to need them.

Given the good news and the no news, it was a pretty mixed weekend. Jake got to take Howie with our church's preschool group to the zoo on Friday, where he was outnumbered by mommies nine to one.  But they both had a great time, and many of the ladies caught me today to let me know how they appreciated Jake's willingness to go with the flow, even when the ladies were not moving as quickly a he would like.  Saturday Howie and Jake had father/son time, and that evening we had dinner with some friends we haven't spent nearly enough time with lately.  Then today, we got to attend church and have lunch together before Jake had to head back.  You know, we've been doing this for over four years, but it never gets easier to see him drive away on Sunday.  When we are finally done with the Army, there will be much rejoicing in the Hicks house--we'll finally get to live under ONE ROOF!

Frugal Oatmeal

I had dinner with one of my favorite people last night.  She just moved in to a new place, and Howie and I dropped by for some pizza and good (grown-up) conversation. It was a nice, quiet evening even with a slightly fussy teething toddler.  

At some point, the conversation turned to financial planning.  My friend is very disciplined in general, but she was telling me that work with her new financial advisor had prompted her to start making more frugal daily choices: brewing her own coffee, bringing a lunch, so on and so forth.  That's awesome.  When I started thinking about, in the aggregate, what I spend on such thing, it kind of shocked me.  Especially because even for people like me--very much not the sack lunch type--there ways I could be stemming the outflow of funds as well.  

Take oatmeal.  I love oatmeal, and it's my go-to breakfast during the week.  Not at home, mind you.  Howie and I have such early days (and he likes breakfast at school, as per previous post) that the ten minutes it would take to make and eat it usually don't materialize until well after I arrive at the office.  My usual stop for oatmeal is an organic restaurant in my building where it costs me $4.62 for a bowl of oatmeal. Today, out of sheer curiosity, I stopped at one of the other three places in/near my building where oatmeal is available.  It cost me $1.61. $1.61!!!  The only difference? At the cheap place the only add-in option is raisins, whereas at the other you can add a whole host of ingredients to your oatmeal.  Usually I get mine with almonds.  

Well, I did my homework.  I can buy a bag of sliced almonds at the store for under $2, but let's say $2 just for the sake of argument.  That means I can buy almonds, buy the cheap oatmeal to put them in, and still be ahead $13 per week, over $650 per year even accounting for holiday weeks.  So guess who's switching to frugal oatmeal?

I wonder how many other frugal foods are out there waiting to save me money...?

Waiting...

This week is a lot of waiting for our family--waiting to hear from the Army what the next two years of our lives will be like (we've been waiting since February!); waiting to hear from the adoption agencies about whether anyone will take us (okay, that's only four days, but as you know from earlier posts, timing is everything right now); waiting for the weekend, when Jake can be home again (but that's every week, of course).  I'm not good at waiting.  I'm a planner. I need to know what is going on so I can know what to do.  I hate it when I don't know what to do next.  

I woke up this morning feeling extra un-waity today.  Frankly, the week has been exhausting and a huge roller-coaster emotionally. I've just kind of had it! I might even have said that out loud as I hauled myself out of bed.

Then I started thinking about this old gospel song. I've been singing it as long as I've been able to sing. It was one of my great-grandmother's favorites.  When you hear the words, you'll know exactly who put that song in my head:

Teach me, Lord, to wait

down on my knees,

'til in Your own good time

You'll answer my pleas.

Teach me not to rely

on what others do,

but to wait in prayer

for an answer from You.

Yep, I needed to hear that.  It's taken from a passage in the Old Testament, Isaiah 40:31.  If you are reading a Bible with headings in it, this passage is under "The Greatness of God." And it says "but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not grow weary; they shall walk and not faint."  Basically, just hang in there, God's got you!  Man, I really needed that too!  And afterward, I felt so much better, and renewed to face another day.

But apparently God was not done with me yet this morning.  Howie and I got in the car, turned on the radio, and got another message about waiting on KSBJ.  This one is is one of my favorites, called "While I'm Waiting," by John Waller.  If you want to hear it, you can check it out here.  Anyway, the chorus goes like this:

While I'm waiting,

I will serve You.

While I'm waiting,

I will worship.

While I'm waiting,

I will not fade.

I'll be running the race,

even while I wait.

Wow, was that a wake-up call.  See, if I'm waiting, I tend to obsess.  I'll plan scenarios and try to figure out what we'll do if A or B or C comes to pass. I swear, I'd have been awesome at writing "choose your own adventure" books I extrapolate so well.  But the problem is that in the meantime I feel really stuck. And I act stuck.  And as a Christian, that's a problem.  I'm not just supposed to wait on the Lord, I'm supposed to be doing in the meantime.  It made me wonder if part of the reason I feel so lost is that I'm not doing what I am supposed to while we wait; I'm neglecting my purpose here.  So today, I will take a deep breath, focus on what needs doing today, and find a way to glorify God.  The answers will come.

Thanks Lord, I needed that.

Adventures in Adoption

To start with, no, we are not adopting the baby in the picture.  I just thought he was super cute (and green to boot!), and made for a nice segue into this post.  Yes, we are adopting.  And we are adopting from the Philippines.  We've been going through the process for about six months.  We have two agencies we are working with.  One agency, based in Houston, is helping us complete our home study.  The other agency is helping us coordinate with the State Department and the Philippine government.  Why two agencies? Because there is no agency in Texas licensed to do Philippine adoptions, and the home study has to be completed by an agency in the state of prospective parents' residence.  Hence, two agencies.

Locally, we've been working with Kim Cissell at International Family Services. She's been great, very helpful and very easy to deal with.  The home study is a very thorough and time-consuming process, but she's made it a little easier for us by being so easy to work with.  The international agency we've been working with is Welcome House (PSBI), and our contact has been Bethany Horstman. Welcome House, like IFS, has been very easy to work with and helpful (on an equally thorough process), and Bethany has been very understanding of my (many) questions along the way.  WH has a sister office in Manila, and I was able to visit it on my last trip and meet the staff.  I was very impressed.

Two weeks ago, we completed both of our applications.  It's been a very rushed process with the impending relocation of Jake, but at the beginning of this week it looked like we were on track to have the home study done in November, the complete application sent to the State Department by year end, and a dossier to the Philippines by first quarter of next year.  Then, I got a phone call...

From the beginning we knew that international adoption would mean some twists, turns, and challenges along the way.  We went in with eyes wide open on that.  Still, it doesn't really sink in until the twists actually come.  On Monday morning, Bethany called to inform me that ICAB (the Philippine agency that oversees all adoptions) was changing its rules about the number of applications permitted from individual agencies.  Apparently, ICAB decided that WH's 11 pending applications was too many, and that it would only be allowed two placements per year until the backlog was resolved.  Since our application would have been number 13 (we are one of two families almost ready for submission next), that would mean probably seven years before we would be eligible for a match. My heart dropped.  Bethany felt horrible--of course, not her fault in any way--and recommended that we find a different agency to help us finish our application.  She said that WH would help us in any way they could to expedite the transition.  It was a small comfort under the circumstances, but a comfort nonetheless.

So...I've spent all week calling agency after agency to see if anyone has spots in their programs.  Mostly, I've gotten "no" answers. I have two programs that are verifying the number of spots they have in light of the ICAB changes, to see whether they can take us.  Two maybe's out of dozens of phone calls.  I have to admit it's a little discouraging.  Jake and I have struggled with whether this is just a challenge along the way, or it's God's way of telling us this is not the right path for us.  I don't think we know the answer yet.  I think that the answers we receive from these "maybe" agencies may tell us one way or another.  

This is definitely a week for prayers for wisdom in the Hicks household.  And patience, too.

Kindness as Taught by Toddlers

I like to believe that there is good in everyone.  In fact, I think that we're all, as God's children, born with innate goodness about us.  It may later fade, either by choice or circumstance, but really all you have to do is take a look at our children to see what basic goodness looks like.  Yesterday, which I swear I will blog about later this week when the dust clears, was a harrowing day for me.  But it didn't start out that way, and the way it did start out really got me through the day.  And now, a little story about kindness.

My sweet baby boy is a creature of routine.  He comes by it honestly, as his mommy is also very big on routine.  Between my job and Jake's, and our collective family travel, Howie is called upon to be very flexible.  But when he is home, when he is in his spaces, he wants things to happen when they should and how they should.  

For instance, every morning, Howie arrives at school at 7:45 to have breakfast with his friends.  He gets excited when we pull up to the school and starts chattering about his friends and his breakfast, starts trying to guess what breakfast will be, telling me his preference (waffles. hands down. every time). He then starts telling me which friend he will sit next to, and so on.  But yesterday was different.  Yesterday, Daddy was here till Monday morning--a rare treat.  So yesterday, we had breakfast as a family and I took Howie to school later.  Well, this did not bode well.  Instead of being seated at the breakfast tables, Howie's friends were in the Big Gym playing with big rubber balls.  We walked into the gym to a chorus of "Hi Howie's!" Two friends even came to give him hugs.  

But then, something went amiss.  My sweet, usually sociable boy clinged tightly to my leg and wouldn't play. He started to cry. Then he started to wail. His school day was not supposed to start in the gym.  It was supposed to start with breakfast.  For about fifteen minutes he was inconsolable. Of course, I was upset by this because I hate to see my baby cry.  But what I saw during those fifteen minutes was downright heartwarming.

After trying to talk to Howie for a minute, I looked up, and there stood seven beautiful little people, each holding their own ball out to Howie.  Then, an onslaught of tiny voices: "here my ball Howie,"  "here's the red ball Howie,"  "don't cry, we share Howie," "it's ok, Howie," "play with me Howie." I nearly burst into tears right along with him.

Some might say the moral of the story is don't mess with the kid's routine. That is certainly some sound advice.  But to me, it just showed basic goodness. No wonder Christ told us all to be as children; they could teach us a thing or two about loving others.

  

A Washington Attorney...Almost

So, amidst all the craziness this week (some of which I haven't written about yet because I lack the coherency, if this can be considered coherent), we did get one bit of good news--the State of Washington approved my application to the State Bar.  'Yay, I'm officially a Washington lawyer!' I thought to myself, with no small amount of relief given our possible relocation.  And, of course, along with the news came jokes from some (including Jake) about how I'm collecting licenses, which if true would mean I have only 46 to go!  

But then came the "requirements" email.  Hm. See, they don't just make someone a Washington attorney.  First, there is the matter of designating a registered agent in Washington. I have to have someone actually living there be my "drop box" for legal mail, which means finding someone willing to do it.  Then there's the matter of the oath.  They really want you to fly there.  But if you can't, all you have to do is cold-call judges until one agrees to swear you, then file a motion with the Washington Supreme Court getting that judge approved, then actually have that judge swear you.  Hm. Since we're unlikely to be headed west any time soon, I'm going with option B.

After those things are done, there's an education requirement: eight hours of education on Washington law.  Then there's a fee to be filed and THEN I can call myself a Washington lawyer.  And I thought the application was the tough part!  

Off to get it done one step at a time!

Army Mayhem

Ok folks, this is a loooong story, even without my more colorful commentary. I have placed here the short version. Yep, this actually is the short version. Good luck!

Most of you know that Jake is an Army pilot.  He's got over nineteen years in, and we have two more years to serve before he's done. He's had several different jobs during the course of his career, but right now he's a pilot.  Specifically, he's a Lakota pilot at Ft. Polk.

Now, when Jake went through flight school, we had no idea the Lakota was out there. Jake was trained as a Chinook pilot.  We also had no idea that Ft. Polk would wind up being an option for us. There are no Chinooks there. We figured we were headed to Hood, Lewis, or maybe (if we were lucky) Hawaii, but Louisiana never crossed our minds.  But there was a problem when Jake finished flight school--there were way too many Chinook pilots for the aircraft available. Jake, and many others, were coursed to new aircraft in order to reduce the number of pilots without a helicopter to fly.  Honestly, it was ideal for our family.  Ft. Polk is as close as the Army gets to Houston, where my job is. It has made seeing each other on a weekly basis (as opposed to bi-monthly before) pretty manageable.  And we were content for Jake to finish out his Army career at Ft. Polk.  Seeing each other only weekly is not ideal with a toddler who is mad about his Daddy, but it's doable.  This year, unfortunately, we have been learning a hard lesson in not resting on our laurels.

See, the problem with flying a new aircraft like the Lakota, is that it's simply too new.  There's no "job designation" for Lakota pilots yet. So while Jake has been flying the aircraft for three years, he's still designated a Chinook pilot. So when the Department of Defense issued a requirement that all Chinook pilots be transferred to Chinook units for training on a new version...yep, aparently that includes us.  And no, there still aren't any Chinooks at Ft. Polk.  We learned earlier this year that in December Jake must report to Ft. Riley in Kansas, where he'll be trained on the new Chinook...and then asked to sit around with nothing to do because there are still too many Chinook pilots. Gotta love bureaucracy!  And don't get me wrong, I hear that Manhattan, Kansas is a great little town. But there's no job for me there, and no way for me to work from there.  As many of you know, my work requires a lot of travel. There's no commercial air within an hour of Manhattan. So now we're looking at reverting back to a bi-monthly (at best) family--unless we come up with another plan.

When Jake heard about Kansas, he immediately reached out to his old unit and the SF community generally to try and transfer back. He'd rather be working in a unit that will actually use him than sitting around in a unit that doesn't need him. Also, Tacoma is much closer to a large airport (and a large city, Seattle, where I could potentially work).  The SF community was thrilled at the prospect of having him back, and has bent over backwards trying to help him get transferred.  Unfortunately, when it came time to actually secure the release, Aviation said "no."  They want to keep him.

So what happens next? Apparently there's an adjudication board that willl decide (allegedly this Friday) what happens to Jake. Don't even get me started about my thoughts on an adjudication that does not actually involve the subject being adjudicated...it's not pretty.  Needless to say, we are on pins and needles this week waiting to see what will happen to our family.  So, blogosphere, we will take all the prayers you can muster!

Hicks Hiking...You Should Try It!

Intro to Us

So...we are the Hicks Family. Jake, Reda and Howie. Jake and I (Reda) have been married for a few years, and Howie is two. We're an Army family, split between Ft. Polk, Louisiana (where Jake is stationed), and Houston where my job is located. Needless to say, being a family in two different states presents more than a few... interesting challenges.  So does living half in the Army world and half in the civilian world.  This blog is a place to chronicle where our family has been and where it is going.  It's shaping up to be a bumpy ride for a while, but maybe it will make for some interesting reading...