Fall is in the Air

We have now reached the point where basically every day we have minor panic attacks about how soon we will be very far apart.  In fact, we are only two weeks away from the day Jake flies to Junction City to sign the lease on a new place to live in Kansas, and the week after that the actual move will occur!  Of you're checking calendars, yes that means we are moving over Thanksgiving. It's going to be a crazy week.

Minor panic attacks aside, though, we've been trying to spend as much time together as possible while we can.  This weekend, we had family pictures (we get proofs in about a week, and I'm sure I will post some here so stay tuned), we took Howie to a birthday party, and we went to the Fall Festival at our church.  Jake and I also had a date, but since that story doesn't lend itself to cute pictures of the kiddo, let's stick with Howie's activities.

Festival, 2009 (6 months)

Howie has been to the church Fall Festival every year of his life (this is his third), because Jake and I always volunteer to work at it.  Here are pictures of Howie from the previous two years' festivals:

Festival, 2010 (18 months)

But this year is the first year he has really been big enough to enjoy the festival, and boy did he!!  First off, he LOVED his costume.  Howie had so much fun being M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E:

Playing Coy...

"Miska Muska Mickey Mouse!"

Howie tried every booth at the Festival, from the basketball dunk to the bean bag toss, the hippo toss and the bouncy house.

Howie and Daddy even hit the face-painting booth, where Jake tried his hand at making a Mickey Mouse face (No one had the heart to tell Jake that Mickey doesn't have whiskers). 

Howie's two favorite things, though, were the train and the inflatable slide.  Howie took the train ride with Mr. Phillip, one of our elders and the dad of our friend Caleb. At first he was a little apprehensive about leaving Mom and Dad, but then he got a cookie and suddenly he forgot all about us.  

The inflatable slide was far and away the most popular attraction to the kiddo. The first time he climbed the inflatable stairs, he got a little help from one of the older boys.  By the tenth time he did it, he was flying up to the top.  Howie loved that slide so much we weren't sure we'd be able to get him off it.

All in all, it was a great day. And it was really awesome to get to spend it together as a family.  And today, Howie got another chance to wear his costume--his school Halloween party! 

Just like with the Festival, this is really the first year he (and all of his classmates) really understood what was going on. They had chicken nuggets and cupcakes, and did some general running around and comparing costumes. Howie's was a huge hit!  He kept his hat on just long enough to get some pictures, then off it flew!

And THEN came the trick-or-treat.  It took a minute, but Howie caught on.  He loved that the older kids were helping to hand out the treats.

Pink Out!! Support a Survivor

Note: To Collect all of the Pink Out messages in one place, I started a new page. Check it out here.

Howdy Blogosphere!  I'll return to my regular updates next week. I wanted to take some time out of "our" stuff and look around.  It's always good to gain a little perspective, especially in a month like this one where our nation has decided to honor survivors.  So today, I have a homework assignment for us.

I don't know if we've managed to collect a group of friends with uniquely big challenges, or if it's simply true that people all around us are quietly climbing Everest every day and we just don't know it.  Either way, people dear to us have faced some truly huge hurdles, and heartbreaks, over the past year.  Some have lost children; some have been faced with major illness; some have seen marriages fall apart. What I find truly remarkable about so much tragedy, though, is how much love and hope follow it.  This year, I've been awed not only at the strength of the people around us fighting giants, but also by the incredible compassion and care that surrounded them.

What got me thinking about this is the fact that it's October. Today is Pink Out Day at Howie's school.  As I dressed him in his pink ribbon shirt, it made me think "man, I have to remember to take a picture of Howie for my friend Kelly."  Kelly Beatty is Exhibit A on my list of friends who've had an incredibly hard year, and her family pretty much stays at the top of the Hicks family prayer list.  I've been friends with Kelly and her husband Max (whom I sit next to at work every day) for several years, and they're awesome people.  They have two kids: Jack, who's about to be four, and Scarlett, who's about to be two.  Here's a picture of Kelly and the kids.  Max is not in the picture because he avoids being photographed like the plague.

The mayhem started for the Beattys late last summer, when Scarlett, who wasn't even a year old, started having major seizures.  They often hit when the Beattys least expected it, without any rhyme or reason.  Doctors have run all manner of tests on her and tried several medications, but they still don't really know what causes them. Needless to say, this family has spent more than their fair share of time in emergency rooms this year.  Although Scarlett is doing better now than she was a year ago, this is an ongoing issue for the Beatty family. So friends of a praying persuasion, keep them coming.   

As if an oft-sick little one is not enough of a mountain to climb, though, the Beattys had an even tougher hike to tackle this year.  In January, Kelly was diagnosed with breast cancer. At 32.  Honestly, I had a hard time wrapping my head around it; so I can't imagine how she did.  Kelly's mom battled breast cancer, so they knew, genetically speaking, it was something they'd have to face. But not at 32! With two babies at home! Holy buckets!  If there's any good news in the situation, it's that the doctors were able to remove all of the cancer surgically, and she has not had to undergo chemo or radiation as a follow up.  Several surgeries later, Kelly's reconstruction is (hopefully) finished, and soon she will be able to put this fight behind her. With Kelly's genetics, this probably won't be her last fight, though, so again, please "pray without ceasing" for this family.

The Beattys' story is a hard one to hear; it really makes your heart hurt that one family would have to deal with so much.  But I'll tell you this: as much pain, fear, and difficulty as this year has brought them, I think it's brought even more love and hope.  It has certainly given me hope watching the story unfold.  

As soon as Max and Kelly broke the news about her cancer, their friends and family jumped into action.  People volunteered to help with the children, others sent flowers and wrote encouraging cards for Kelly and the family. People in the office covered Max's work so he could be with his family. Their friends from law school (some of whom they hadn't seen in over five years) took up a collection to hire a chef so that Kelly wouldn't have to worry about feeding the family while she was recovering from surgery. Other friends took up a collection to help defray the cost of the new wardrobe Kelly would need post-reconstruction.  Every one of their friends of faith reached out to their own prayer networks (I think I saw two dozen of them messaging out, just on Facebook!); second, third, fourth, even fifth degree friends were praying for the Beattys.  I lack both the wall space and the mental capacity to try and map out how many people were talking to God about this family--many of them folks the Beattys will never meet. 

One of the most amazing things, though, was something Max did for Kelly.  He bought hundreds of those pink breast cancer support bracelets.  He mailed them everywhere, asking people to take pictures with them and send them to Kelly, to let her know she was loved and supported far and wide.  I gave them to a number of my friends who heard Kelly's story and wanted to show their support, and I have those to post. But the pictures I have here are only a fraction of what came Kelly's way. 

This "strength network" that Max built for Kelly is what I thought of this morning when I put Howie's shirt on him.  So I'm posting that picture here, along with as many of the "strength" pictures as I can find.  And with a week-ish left in October, here's what I'd ask of you readers:

1. Take a picture of yourself in pink and post it on your FB profile with an encouraging note for Kelly.  Not a pink fan? Then how about a picture posing with strong arm muscles? Or making a heart with your hands? Holding a pink prop? 
2. Include a message of encouragement with your picture. It can be personal ("I <3 Kelly") or general ("Survivors rock my socks!"), serious ("Praying for You"), or funny ("I brake for boobies!").
3. If you post a picture, let me know, and I will tag Kelly in it. She's at home now recovering from her most recent surgery, and I know that it would really raise her spirits to have an entire page of pink when she signs on Facebook the rest of the month.

Know others who have fought this fight/are fighting this fight?  Tag them in our "pink" pictures also.  Who knows how far this Pink Out can stretch!

Soldiering On...

Since (a) last Thursday was a rough day, and (b) we are trying to maximize the "us" time that we have before Jake heads to Ft. Riley, Howie and I packed up Thursday night and went to spend a long weekend with Jake.  Jake is in a training rotation right now, which means long hours and the total inability to be more than 20 miles away from post. If he looks tired in the picture above, it's because sleep has been in very short supply this month.  Some days I seriously wonder how Jake functions! But, of course, he is awesome, so there you have it.  

Jake had to work all weekend, so we had to snatch hours together wherever we could get them.  On Thursday, we went to Ft. Polk to have lunch with Jake, which was the first meal we'd had together in two weeks!  After that, Howie and I went back home for Howie's nap (he slept for four hours that day!!).  Before Howie woke up, Jake came home. He'd managed to convince someone else to cover for him so he could take the baby to the park and have dinner with us...before getting right back to work.  

On Saturday, it was much the same drill. We met Jake for a stop at the park and some lunch, and then we met him for dinner before we drove back to Houston Saturday night.  It sounds rushed as written, but it was one of the slower weekends we have had in a while.  It was very nice, actually, and the only thing that would have made it nicer would have been more time with Jake.

So for reading purposes, this was not a very interesting weekend.  Why did I bother? Because I took some pictures of Jake and Howie at the park and I wanted an excuse to post them.  I think I was just looking for a reason to document "normal," since soon it will be hard to come by.  Also, these first few photos are a cute illustration of the thought progression that goes into teaching a toddler:

Step One: Illustrate.  Jake tries showing Howie how to climb the little rock wall to get on the play structure:

Step Two: Motivate. Jake is at the top, encouraging Howie to come up to him, and explaining what he needs to do to reach the top.

Step Three: Capitulate.  Seeing that Howie simply does not understand the abstract concept of one foot in front of the other, Jake climbs down and and helps him move his feet. 

After that, Howie got it and climbed the wall a couple more times himself.  It even emboldened him to try climbing a few other things.  The lesson here--sometimes it's good to admit defeat and try a different tactic. 

After a long day (er...forty-five minutes) of climbing, the boys sat down for a nice quiet chat.  I don't know if they were discussing the meaning of life or the chicken nuggets Howie wanted for lunch, but I do know this: I watched a little bit of the weight lift from Jake in the time he spent with our baby boy.  And I silently resolved to make sure that somehow, whether in person or virtual, we keep that interaction a regular part of our week, even when we are living far apart.

No Dumps Days

I have officially imposed on myself a new writer's rule: no blogging on Dumps Days (as in, down-in-the).  I had one of those on Thursday, and was very tempted to pour my heart out on the page.  But I decided to hold off and I'm glad that I did.  With the benefit of hindsight, it's not that last Thursday looks any better (it was an awful day people), it's just that this board is supposed to be about moving forward.  If I can't look at challenges in terms of where they lead (which you really can't sometimes when you're in the thick of it), then they're really no good for anyone, least of all me.  Hence, the No Dumps Days Rule: get some perspective, then put it in writing.

Last Thursday didn't start off any differently from any other day. I took Howie to school, had an appointment, and went to work.  I was not super busy on Thursday, which I think was part of the problem.  I had time, and plenty to do to get ready for our move, but no ability to get anything done.  Right now everything--adoption applications, rental applications, renovations, leasing agents--is in stasis waiting for some prerequisite to occur before we can move forward.  Well, as we all know, I'm the world's worst at waiting.  Finally having some free time but being unable to put it to good use made me start feeling helpless.  It made me start thinking about all of the things that will need doing, and worrying about how on earth we'll find the time later to get them all done.  It was overwhelming and isolating, and made every other challenge of the day seem that much bigger.  

Here's a for instance. I found out Thursday I needed a babysitter for Sunday, but our regular sitter is in Switzerland this month.  After nearly an hour of calling I hadn't found a replacement.  I started freaking out, thinking: 'If I can't even find a sitter for a Sunday night, how on earth will I be able to take care of Howie on my own when Jake is really gone?'  Actually, the second half of that sentence is a major concern of ours, but it's a problem for another day.  The point is, I was having a major meltdown over the simplest, most common of problems: I can't find a sitter when I need one. It happens to lots of women every day! But on Thursday, I just felt like an epic failure. Like I was adrift, all on my own with these huge mountains to climb and no one upon which I could rely, including myself.  To my own ears, now, it sounds very melodramatic, so it's a good thing I have that No Dumps Days Rule.  But it's not that the feelings are unique--when facing big challenges, people do feel overwhelmed, isolated, and sometimes even despairing.  And it's not that they are invalid.  It's just that, 'I give up' was how I felt, but it certainly was not the end, or even a place I wanted to stay for long.  

Late in the day on Thursday, I was checking in at Faith Deployed, one of my favorite blog spots. It's a site for men and women whose families are facing deployments, where people can share comments, helpful articles and information, and encouraging words.  On Thursday, one of the entries was from a frantic woman who was facing her husband's first deployment since they became parents.  She wrote a lot of the things I was feeling--isolation, uncertainty about whether she can handle it, anger and sadness at being apart, etc. She was clearly writing on a Dumps Day, and it was heart-rending. But one of the response comments caught my eye; it was from a woman in her fifties who has been serving with her husband for many years. She quoted a passage from the Book of Psalms:

"When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of their troubles.  The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed spirit."  Psalm 34:17-18

The older woman's advice was simple: Feel your feelings because they are part of being human. God is not offended by what you are going through. If you feel like screaming or crying, journaling, hiding under your desk (not that I would know anything about that...) or just babbling incoherently then do it.  Sometimes perspective only comes on the other side of catharsis. God did that on purpose because He knows that working through our emotions is necessary to our healing, so feel your feelings.

I mulled that thought over all weekend.  I read Psalm 34 over and over again, and it brought me to the conclusion that to make these next two years work, I am going to have to do a little self-adjusting.  I'm a reserved person, though few people know that about me.  Jake says I have two layers of self: what I let everyone see and what I try to make sure no one sees.  I don't do that intentionally, but I think he's right.  I have many friends, and I share much of myself with them.  But the places where I'm most vulnerable, few people get a peek at those.  What we are dealing with right now, it's hitting me square in those vulnerable places.  And trying to maintain my top-layer self while processing everything else is not only exhausting, but (if last Thursday is any indication) it has catastrophe written all over it.  I may well implode! So my challenge through all of this will be to ease my guard a bit, share a bit of my hidden-layer self, and be willing to feel my feelings.  Because boy will I need that post-catharsis clarity for what's ahead!

Moving to Kansas, and a Social Worker Comes Calling

We are starting to get over the initial shock and settled into the news that we will be a Kansas/Texas family soon.  Don't get me wrong, I still have my moments (as any of you who saw me yesterday can attest), but with so much to do, we've become really focused on the task at hand. And actually, that is helping.  Jake and I are both doers, and the planning helps with the coping.  The Army is keeping him so busy this month that much of the immediate doing falls on me, and I'm not complaining about that.

We think we may have found Jake a place to live at Ft. Riley.  It's a townhouse neighborhood in Junction City, Kansas, called Patriot Pointe.  It's very close to both the Army post and the airfield he'll be working at. It's a cute little two-story, two bedroom townhouse. Nothing huge, but then it'll have only one inhabitant most of the time, so it's not like we need some grand palace.  When we filled in the application, it asked us to list a move-in date.  We put November 15, which is probably about when Jake will need to be there.  My heart jumped when I realized that's just over a month away.  So soon! But at least that's (almost) one thing off the list.  Then we just have to figure out what to do about the Louisiana house...

The other major thing that happened in the past few days was the home portion of our home study.  We spent about four hours with our social worker Bernadette on Friday, doing individual and family interviews, and submitting to a home inspection.  If there was anything unacceptable about our home, or anything about our personalities she found alarming, our SW didn't say anything about it.  Either it means we did well, or Bernadette would kill at poker. In any event, all of the components (paper, and in-person) are completed and all that remains of the home study process is for her to write the report.

I'm still having a mild heart attack about getting everything done by December 1, though.  We cannot file our immigration application until the home study report is completed, and Bernadette is out this week for surgery. If we are lucky, she will have a report to us next week and we can file the immigration application right away.  Then we just have to pray that we get approved by USCIS quickly so we can get our dossier in the mail by the deadline. And if we can't, we just have to pray that the Philippine government will let us be 2013 participants instead of 2012 participants, so that all the hard work wasn't for naught.

More and more this fourth quarter of 2012 resembles a giant roller coaster for our family.  But not one of those nice new metal coasters with the smooth loops and spins. Nope, this is the Texas Giant, in all it's huge, wooden, jerky, shake-you-till-you-think-you-might-vomit glory!

Kansas: There's No Place Like Home...?

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding   In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your path." Proverbs 3:5-6

Well, friends, we finally received word yesterday about where Jake is headed.  Yep, you guessed it--Kansas.  Fort Riley, Kansas to be exact.  We were shocked, confused, disappointed.  Jake was really looking forward to going back to Special Forces, so this was a big let-down for him. He's handling it well, though, which is no surprise to anyone who knows him. My husband is nothing if not resilient.  His wife, however, spent much of yesterday just fuming.  It's the lawyer in me as much as anything.  The "adjudication" process by which they reached this decision is an absolute joke, and I'd have appealed (and won) in 90 seconds flat in a court.  But the Army is not a court, and no matter how angry I am at the ludicrousness of the process, there's no changing it.  Settling me down was no easy task, but I did it by repeating these things to myself over and over again:

1) Jake needs me to be ok, and to help him get ready for this.

2) We will be ok, we can do this.

3) God has a plan for us.

That last one I repeated extra times. It's the easiest one to know, and the hardest one to accept.  We wanted Seattle.  We believe Seattle would have been infinitely better (and easier) for our family.  Fort Riley was the last thing we wanted.  It is really hard to let those things go and just believe this will be okay because it is God's path for us.  It's even harder to believe that this will be good for us, but that is what Romans tells us:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Jake and I didn't get a chance to talk all day yesterday because he was flying and I was in meetings.  When we finally did talk last night, this thought is where our conversation centered.  God loves us. He has a plan for us, we just can't see it right now because we are disappointed that our own plans aren't going to work out.  But this is our path, and we need to make the best of it...which, oh dear, actually means a TON OF WORK! So we better get cracking!

Jake has to report to work at Ft. Riley by December 6, which means out-processing from Ft. Polk two weeks before that so he can in-process at Ft. Riley before he starts work.  And that means getting the out-processing process started in just a couple of weeks.  That's just getting Jake ready to switch jobs.

We also have to find Jake housing in Kansas.  The fact that Jake is moving without us complicates things; despite the fact that it's actually pretty common now, the Army still doesn't handle geo-bachelors well, and his moving alone really precludes on-post housing from being an option for him.  Fortunately, I have a wonderful friend who lived in nearby Manhattan, Kansas (the Little Apple) for many years, and she gave me some real estate contacts to follow up with for rentals in the area.  We'll have to get some listings, get up there, find a place, and get Jake moved.

And for our house in Louisiana, we have to finish the renovations on the bathrooms ASAP. We also have to find a leasing agent to help us get the place rented.  We have to pack all of our things and get them moved out of the house, decide where everything is going (with Jake, to the Houston house, or into storage), and get  it there.

SO...the upshot, friends, is that we are disappointed, but we know it will be ok.  Still, we have LOTS to do in the coming weeks, and we know our path won't be an easy one.  We would really appreciate prayers, not only for a smooth transition, but also for our family in these two years that we will spend (mostly) apart.  We love you, and we are really blessed to have all of your support.

You Guessed It...

We are now officially a week and a half past the time when we were supposed to get news about Jake, but I still have nothing to report.  Jake actually had a guy from SF call him last Thursday just to say he's sorry they don't have anything to tell him right now.  Well, at least we can all agree the situation kind of stinks.  Still, there is plenty else to focus on, and so we do...

Jake took off the third week of September as "vacation."  Really, it was just time he could be assured that work wouldn't bother him, so he could focus on work that needs to be done on our house in Louisiana before it is suitable for renters.  He renovated one of the bathrooms (which I will see on Sunday and hopefully get some good pictures of), and planned to start on the second one today.  They are the two rooms we saved until last to rework, thinking we'd have time to mull and make them just perfect.  So now that we don't have to time to mull, we're in a huge rush.  Fortunately, our neighbor in Louisiana is a contractor, and is helping Jake with the work and charging us very little to do it. That's a God-send!

As the header image might suggest, Jake and I went to see a Beauty and the Beast at the Hobby Center this weekend.  So glad that Broadway Season is back! It's the time of year we are guaranteed some dates! It was a great performance, and it was nice to have some time for just the two of us.  As always, the staff at the Hobby Center went above and beyond. Before that, though, on Saturday we took Howie to Incredible Pizza.  For toddlers, it's also known as "the place where all the old rides outside of grocery stores go to hang out together."  And they still cost a quarter! Howie had a blast on the many rides, such as:

The Not-Quite-Nemo Carousel!

The Smurf See-Saw!

Notice Daddy likes to bug him every chance he gets...After the Smurf See-Saw came the Rocket Ship!

Followed by the Tiny Tea Cups!

And last, but not least, the Choo Choo Train!!

He's sad because the ride is almost over.  We would have let him go again, but other kids were waiting.  Anyway, Howie had a blast and it was nice to spend the day together as a family.  It doesn't happen nearly often enough!

I learned (or perhaps had reinforced for me) a very valuable lesson in this outing: your teeth are not scissors/pliers/any other cutting or bending device.  Howie got a fork that was all bent out of shape. I tried to fix it (with my teeth) and chipped one! It's not really noticeable, but still feels annoying.  It reminded me of a story a friend told me many years ago about chipping a tooth trying to bite through thread.   Needless to say, I won't be repeating that mistake again. Teeth are for food!